Vol. 25, No. 1
April 2000
The Newsletter of Orienteering New Brunswick
[ ONB Home ] [ ONB Notes ] [ Contents ]
Rob Hughes in Upper Kingsclear
Here we go starting another O-season. Despite the remaining snow and ice, and the beginnings of waterlogged brown fields, into which the over-keen may be tempted to run, submerging their feet in freezing mud and water the while, the days are lengthening. By the time you get this issue, the O-season proper will be imminent! And it promises to be an extra-special season. If you have somehow forgotten, ONB is hosting the COC's this year...the Canadian Orienteering Championships. If you had forgotten, then it must mean that for some reason you have not already signed up to volunteer for one of the very long list of tasks which must be taken care of. How did you slip through the net?? Don't wait to be called....far better to pick up the phone right now and dial Stig Skarborn at 452 1804. He will gladly assign you something to do!! We do need everyone's help to make the COC's a success.
Read on through this issue to learn more about the line-up of COC events, where they are, and what will be happening. First of all, block off August 19-27 in your calendars now, so you won't have any other commitments getting in the way of the best orienteering events this summer.
Reading over some back issues of ONB Notes, inherited along with the cloak of editorship, I see that ONB has twice before hosted the national championships. The first was in 1984 in Grand Falls, and the second 1993, in Fundy Park. This year the action will be in Fundy Park once again, with related events going on in Rockwood Park, and Hillsborough.
My normal reminder....the email address for all submissions to ONB Notes is rustics@brunnet.net. Contributions in any format gladly accepted.
See you in the woods!
Rob Hughes
Through this issue you'll see many mentions of the COC's and exhortations to attend, volunteer, support and enjoy them. Which is good advice. This level of activity, course choices, number of events, and general orienteering frenzy, will not come down this way for several, if not many, years. So it makes sense to take advantage while the chances are there! Rheumatism may set in any day.
Volunteering should be stressed, as it is important to avoid total burn-out of those who are doing a lot of the donkey-work to bring you these events. Anyone who has staged an orienteering event knows how much work it is. If you haven't, it is a LOT. We don't want all our organisers to get so frazzled with stress that they vow, sometime about the middle of August, "I'M NEVER GOING TO DO THIS AGAIN!!!". That would be sad!
There are many things that you can do to help, and still take part in the events. Some examples are helping with advance publicity, helping at the registration tables, putting up and taking down signs, picking up controls, helping organise water and food, or helping at the finish. Someone has to do all this, and too often a couple of people end up trying to do all of it.
You may think that you could not do some of these things, because you've never done them before and you don't know how. In fact they are all quite easy, and experienced club members will soon show you the way.
Now on to this newsletter. There will be three issues again this year - this one, one in September (post-COC's), and one at year-end (December, following the AGM).
The following are the deadlines for sending in material:
September edition: Sep 1, 2000
December edition: Dec 1, 2000
by the editor-in-training
This is the year you get the best chance to win a national orienteering medal without having to first drive across a couple or more time zones.
You'll want to maximise your chances by increasing your training. If possible, attend one of the clinics offered this spring (see the event schedule, later in this issue).
by the Ed.
Here is a quick run-down of this summer's COC event week. Pencil these events on your calendar, if you have not already done so.
August 19-20
Eastern Canadian Championships, Hillsborough. Format: Two-day classic.
Map: 1:10,000, 5 m contours. Mappers - Jorgen Gustafsson and Lyman Jones to IOF standards. Updated 1999 by Ed Smith. Terrain: Former gypsum mining region, with areas of subsidance and mine tailings. Detailed water and contour features. Rough open patches throughout, with mature forest and variable visibility. Officials: Meet Director - Wil Smith, Course Planner - Mike Smith, Controller - Richard Faulkner.
August 20-24
National Junior Training Camp, Hillsborough. For details, call Mike Fellows at 451 1362.
August 22
National Team Fundraiser Event, Rockwood Park Saint John. Low key fun meet. Similar terrain and same map as for the COC Short Distance Event. (Northern section only) The fundraiser will provide a training opportunity for those competing in the short distance event. Details of this event are not yet finalized.
August 23
Canadian Short Distance Championships, Rockwood Park Saint John. Format: One day. Courses will be set to conform to the COF Standards for Short Distance Orienteering. Map: 1:10,000, 5 m contours. Aerial Photography, base map, and fieldwork 1994 to IOF standards. Mappers -Kjell Melander (one of Sweden's best professional mappers) and Lars Arnesson. Updated 1999 by Don Heron.
Terrain: Numerous rock and water features, detailed contours and point features. Mature forest and open rocky ridges. Thick alders and cedars along the marshes. Well maintained paths and trails cross the area, including part ofthe Trans Canada Trail. Officials: Meet Director - Luella Smith, Course Planner -Don Heron, Controller - Tim Andrew, WRE Controller - Scott Donald.
August 25
Model Event, Fundy Park
The model event is designed to give an idea of the terrain and mapping standards which will be used for the Canadian Classic races. This event is not a competition.
August 26-27
Canadian Orienteering Championships, Fundy Park. Format: Two-day classic.
Map: 1:10,000, 5 m contours. New spring aerial photography, base map, and field work 1999 to IOF standards. Mapper - Bryan Chubb. Terrain: Glaciation and fluvial processes have each influenced the rugged topography of the Greater Fundy area. The upland bedrock plateau is incised by steep-sided V-shaped river valleys. Park forests are dominated by mixed hardwood and softwood areas with good and varying visibility respectively. Non-forested habitats include freshwater wetlands, old field and roadside grasslands, and areas affected by park development (campgrounds, golf course, roads, well maintained trails. Etc.). Numerous small features.
Officials: Meet Director - Stig Skarborn, Course Planner- Ed Smith, Controller - Gary Feeney, WRE Controller - Scott Donald.
August 26
Social Event, Alma. Time for socializing, meeting friends, andkicking up your heels to a variety of dance music. No time for speeches. Cash bar.
By Mike Fellows
(Ed's note: this was first published in ONB Notes a couple of years ago. However it is very worth repeating...perhaps every year. It's especially relevant this year with all the COC events happening, and it's also a good list of the sorts of things covered in beginner clinics)
This list is in order of importance with the most important coming first.
1. Always (Always, Always, Always) read your map with it oriented properly (i.e. North end of map is pointing to the North while you are reading it).
2. Always keep your thumb on the map at your current position.
3. Always fold your map along your current direction of travel. This makes it very easy to observe points 1 and 2.
The first three points may sound trivial but they are the most important skills to learn in orienteering and you should always use them!!! Don't forget them, they are your ticket to fast times and many championships (or at least they should start cutting down the frequency of those "utterly lost, staggering forever through this hellish jungle" episodes).
4. Use the CAR method of making your route choice.
a) Control - where is the control located.
b) Attack point - pick a good attack point (an attack point is a nearby feature that is EASY to find, e.g. trail junction, top of a big hill, corner of an open field, etc.)
c) Route choice - pick a good route between your current position and the attack point.
5. Stay in contact with the map as you travel between the controls. This mean keeping track of your current position on the map. The accuracy of your known location can vary depending on where you are on your chosen route, but don't get to sloppy. As you improve, this skill should develop into the ability to read the map on the run (or walk depending on how energetic you are). Thanks to the first three very important skills, which you now practice religiously, reading on the run turns out to be relatively easy.
There are many other minor skills and tricks which you can learn as you improve but it would take me several months to write up my long winded and opinionated view on all of them. The best way to pick the rest of the skills is to train and race regularly. It is also helpful to have either training partners or a coach, or both.
And Remember - Have Fun!
Mike again....
Another highly opinionated list from the Mike series. However this one requires that you use a healthy dose of common sense. If something seems silly, don't do it.
Any kind of physical training can follow these basics:
1. Consistency is very important. No matter what you chose as a training program keep doing it every week all year long. You will need some breaks, and there is nothing bad about taking time off, but being consistent improves your physical fitness over the long term. It is better to run 4 kilometres 3 times a week all year than to run 4 kilometres every day for the 2 months prior to the orienteering season.
2. Find training partners. It is much easier to work out with a group. On days when you are not in the mood to train you still tend to get out because of the group. Talk to a competitor and set up a regular training time, even once a week is good.
3. Start off by taking it very easy. This can be extended to any change in your training. If you decide to ski through the winter take it easy for the first 2 or 3 session of the winter.
4. Cross training is actually very good for orienteering. Mix up your workout activities. Swim or cycle or play soccer as well as run. But you should always include running (or walking if that is how you get around an orienteering course) in your training.
5. Try to find ways to include your training into the other activities in your life. If you can walk to work do so! Walking is actually a very good low impact exercise for anyone, no matter what your level of physical fitness is. And because you generally go to work on a regular basis, walking there helps a great deal with your training consistency.
6. Be disciplined. It is difficult to fit training into your life at first. But do your best to keep at it not matter how busy things get. Eventually it becomes a habit. But don't be obsessive about it either, especially if you get injured. There is nothing intrinsically bad about taking time off.
7. Keep a record of what you have been doing. Include, races, other sports you have participated in, and the duration of any training sessions. Don't make it too complicated, a line or two for each training session should be enough. Keep an eye on your consistency and volume of training.
8. After you have trained consistently for a while (say six months) you could start trying to improve your fitness by doing some form of regular workouts. This is tricky stuff and your best bet is to find a coach. A coach provides advice an outside perspective on your training.
Editor going over the archives...
In this and future issues, we'll delve into the ONB Notes archives to let you know what was going on back in the days before Tyvek, the internet, and the HST.
April 1990, ONB Notes V. 15 # 1.
West Point Trip. A crew consisting of Mike McEwing, Mike Fellows, Daniel Steudler, Brian Mahoney, Dave Mahoney, Willie Smith, Ben Pollock and Stig Skarborn went down to West Point, New York, for a spring "A" meet.
Apparently snow fell, although there was no mention of the date. Mike Fellows came 8th in H-21 while Mike McEwing was given the wrong map on his course, and had problems!. Stig's verdict on the H45 course : "A Swede and Finn were the untouchables up front. Stig Skarborn did reasonably well, but found that he ran out of legs the second day, in the very rugged terrain. More training is definitely required".
A Ski-O was held at Woolastook Park on March 4. Plans were announced to hold a 6-hour rogaine on June 30, sponsored by Air Nova.
The CFB Gagetown Orienteering Club was started up by Mike Gagne. The season's line up included 13 NB meets, plus several clinics.
March 1980, ONB Notes vol 5, no. 1.
Heather McNaught was newsletter editor. Sheila Andrew was ONB President, and Don Heron, secretary. Mention was made of the Mactaquac nature trail map, a new map of Rockwood Park, Saint John, as well as Hanwell Road. A lot of mapping was going on!
A report on the 1979 NB Champs was presented. The event took place in Grand Falls. The course system used was white, yellow, orange, green and red.
A night event was held at the UNB campus on Nov 2, 1979, run by the Paisleys. A recipe for "Ted's bread", reputedly consumed by multi-COC winner Ted de St Croix, was included. The ONB annual meeting was announced for April 12 in Fredericton.
Report on O-Net by Michael Wood
The New Zealand Orienteering Federation's 3rd National Rogaining Championships held at Solomon's Throne, North Canterbury, at the same time as the 4th World Rogaining Championships,were the first event in the IOF's World Marathon Orienteering Series for 2000.
Any teams (note: teams) which took part in 4WRC can become eligible for this series by competing in either or both of the remaining events.
Although held in mostly open farmland, mist blanketed the higher parts of the course for the 4th World Rogaining Championships in Canterbury, New Zealand. This resulted in some very challenging navigation even during the daylight, (Maxi-Moose '99 competitors ... does this sound familiar?! -Ed.) although the existence of fences on the map made other parts of the course easier. The steepness of the terrain reduced route choice somewhat and led to many teams selecting similar "chains" of controls, but the organisers, Peninsula and Plains Orienteers, produced a fine event for the 400 competitors.
After coming second at the last World Champs in Canada, Greg Barbour and David Rowlands won the Open Mens title. Barbour is a New Zealander living in Scotland, while Rowlands is an Australian, who was planner of the first World Rogaine Champs in 1994. With a score of 2410 out of 3000, they were comfortably ahead of Chris Forne (NZ) and Nick Barriball (GBR), who amazingly met only the day before the event! In third place were Jason Markham (NZ) and Dieter Wolf of Switzerland. Wolf was the 1999 World Masters Orienteering Champion in M50, and has an extensive orienteering and mountain marathon background, although he had never taken part in a rogaine before.
And the Open Women's Champions in Canada were beaten into second place by Rachel Smith (NZ) and Encarna Maturana (Spain) who is Barbour's wife. Catherine Hagen and Pam James (both from Canada) were the second placegetters, while Australians Jenny Casanova and Alexandra Tyson were third. The Open Mixed class was won by Jenni Adams and Rob Hart from New Zealand, ahead of Mark Saunders and Alice Bedwell (Wales) and Phil and Antonia Wood (New Zealand).
Other Classes:
Veteran Men, Paul Hoopman and Leigh Privett, Australia Veteran Women, Dorothy Kane and Lyn Johns, New Zealand Veteran Mixed, Geoff and Lisa Mead, New Zealand Super-Vet Men, Tim Dent and Rob Taylor, Australia Super-Vet Women, Sharon Crawford and Judith Dickinson, USA Super-Vet Mixed, Phil and Penny Dufty, Australia.
The event was round 1 of the inaugural IOF Marathon-Orienteering World Cup, which also includes mountain marathons in France and Slovenia. Two out of three events are to count for the cup.
Mike Wood again on the net
New Zealand Orienteering Squad members Rebecca and Rachel Smith whacked over ONE HOUR off the women's record for the 30km overnight course at the Kaweka Challenge last weekend. They completed the course in 5hr27, and in fourth place overall.
There were only orienteers in front of them: Andrew Thompson/Fraser Mills (1st), Michal Glowacki/Marte Balchen (2nd) and Greg Flynn/David Stewart (3rd), who also bagged the fastest time for the Mackintosh Spur downhill leg. And just behind was Andrew McCarthy running with Penny Kane who were 6th overall and second mixed pair. Penny's parents Neil and Dorothy were also in the prizes, as first mixed vets.
The eleventh running of the classic mountain race in Hawkes Bay saw calm but misty weather on the 1700m tops, and a large proportion of the 41km overnight field took a false spur on the way down to the overnight campsite. Those who cared to get out the compulsory map and compass had no difficulty, but the others spent anything from 1-2 hours getting themselves out of the predicament.
The long overnight course had a pairs and a solo section, the latter won by national squaddie Phil Wood, 18 minutes outside the record set by British Orienteering team member Jon Duncan in 1999. Top woman was Canadian orienteer Pam James, with Antonia Wood's record also set last year remaining intact. Michael Wood was the fastest vet. Outright honours in the pairs section went to vets Max Dravitzki (related to NZ Squad member Karl) and Max Dye, making amends after throwing away the lead two years ago by losing the track.
And while no-one has been in all 11 Kaweka's, Michael Wood was among three to receive a medal for completing ten.
Orienteering participation was down a bit, perhaps because of trials for the World Cup team in two weeks time. But other orienteers taking part included Jason Markham (2nd in the one-day 28km race); Darren Ashmore (one-day 28km); and rogainer Dave King who won the "short" 13km Sunday race, ahead of Mark Hudson.
Clark N. Maxfield on O-net
Beginning next Monday for 11 days (that was Jan 31, 2000 -Ed.), The US NASA space shuttle Endeavour will bathe Earth with radar waves to produce high-resolution maps of the entire surface of the planet between the two arctic circles. The resulting maps can be accurate within about six meters (20') of elevation...about three times more detailed than previously available for most areas of the world. The new technique requires a rigid mast containing a second radar dish that projects from Endeavour 195' into space.
In addition to the radar map, detailed photographs of vegetation, etc. will be taken simultaneously. The surfaces of Venus and Mars were similarly mapped years ago; NASA was apparently getting tired of being asked why such detailed maps were not also available of Earth. The project is called Shuttle Radar Topography Mission (SRTM) and will be conducted in cooperation with German and Italian Space Agencies. NASA has promised the (digital) data to anyone who wants it by 2002 for US terrain, and in slightly detuned, less accurate versions for the rest of the world, according to an article in The New York Times on Tuesday, January 25. With such accurate maps of the Earth soon to be available, how can we orienteers utilize the fruits of this new technology best? What kind of new events can you envision? Will our sport finally be available to us wherever we go, without the tedium of mapping?
by the Hughes family
Last year, on the way home from the meet at Wentworth, we stopped off for a bite on the way back. Some doodling began on the back of a paper placemat at the restaurant table. How many words can you make from "orienteering"? We got to about 70. Later on, back home, the dictionary came out and pushed the total up some more. There seems to be no defined limit. Readers are invited to continue the following story adding their own discoveries, or to come up with a new one, for publication in the next issue.
Orienteering is a great sport. At least, it is most of the time. Total beginners can enter, and even the entire family can come out. The club folks are always there to greet you with a grin, and they don't care if you're nine, ten, or a teen. But you have to admit, it can be tiring, and I for one was in a state of collapse by the end of the day I'm about to describe to you. It was the provincial champs a couple of years ago, and every orienteer of note who had not re-tired was there.
My buddies Roger, Toni and Ernie showed up, but there were also a few other ogres from my past, including my long time arch-rival Igor. As I dropped my registration fee into the tin I tried my best to ignore that particular gent. To distract myself I began to tie and re-tie my shoes. I knew my pre-run routine by rote. Heh heh! I chuckled to myself, now for some o-ing ! I had to rein in a tendency to focus too much on my ego. That had been my undoing a few times before. Instead, I distracted myself by imagining I was E.T. This too was one of my little rites. Whatever happened I knew I must not get into a state of ire before the start. But one thing was sure. The reign of Igor was about to
be ended! If he beat me I would start a riot! I readied myself, girt with my trusty shin pads and full body protection.
Go! I was off, and for control one had to re-orient myself abruptly as none of what I was seeing made any sense. I knew I could not afford to err again, or I would be out here all nite! The second leg was just as gruesome though, and in no time I found myself entering some thick green despite an inner voice ringing in my brain to slow down. I'm not sure what the origin was of my impetuous rush into the thick stuff. Perhaps too much gin the evening before. Now, stuck in the swamp, I had to pause to swipe a net of cobwebs out of my eyes. I saw my map was already torn, but I stumbled on without regret.
Emerging suddenly from the thicket -gee! - there was the next control dead ahead, atop a granite tor. I bashed my right toe on the way up, hard enough for me to realise I should probably go to emergency afterwards and get a Roentgen-ray. But I was not stopping yet!
The next leg forced me to re-enter the hated marsh, revealing how poor my previous route choice had been. I saw a flash of neon through the murk which I thought must have been another Spandex-freak, or neo-phyte, but at least there was no sign of Igor, who had started (I think) ten minutes behind me. A hard run in the open brought me through an old farm yard. My luck remained bad. I tore my left gaiter on the tine of an old harrow, or some such rig, while a roll of old wire rent the back of my o-trousers. Oi! yelled someone, presumably the farmer. But I leaped over a ton or so of manure and sprinted away. A long running leg was now required...my shoes were covered in grot but I was spurred on by the thought of Igor possibly closing the gap.
As I shoved through some bushes I heard a strange screeching sound close behind. An egret? My mind raced..I was watching my compass closely, which was not behaving itself. Was there a magnetic anomaly around here? Maybe some iron ore? The noise changed to a snuffle, close behind me now. Good grief, could it be a rare genet? No! I decided my mind was playing tricks. I refocussed and ran on. The leg seemed never ending. I cut to the side of a road (possibly Regent Street) and caught a whiff of nitre as I went past the back of the old fireworks factory. I was suddenly disoriented once again.
The thought that I might have sniffed up some ergot in the mouldy farm fields occurred to me, but I figured it was more likely I was just mixed up by the multitude of farm tracks. A tendency to get muddled was in my genes.
The long run was beginning to tell, and I no longer felt quite the tiger I had been at the start. My breathing was laboured, was I hyperventilating? Maybe I was breathing too much nitrogen. I had also eaten too close to the start and now my stomach felt like a bowl of milk and rennet. Horrors! On top of that I now lacked faith in my compass. I realised I might have to resort to basic trig. Grr!! I rubbed the compass lens, as if conjouring a genie to emerge and help. No such luck. I noticed that where I had crunched my toe there was now more than a tinge of blood ...I did not fancy the gore that undoubtedly waited inside my socks.
Suddenly Ernie burst out of the edge of the woods and yelled at me in his fine tenor: "Where ya goin', mate? Off to Niger or something?" before promptly disappearing into the alders. Good old Ernie. Focus..focus...three more controls....Igor was coming.....where was the water stop! I could hardly swallow, like I had goitre in my throat. Next control....water.... I had hardly an erg of energy left already! Time to dig in.
This leg was finally going OK, some runnable woods at last! This was a nice region of the map...neither swamp nor thicket. Leaping over the deadfalls. I suddenly trod on a log with rather too much rot and went down like a G.I. It was a bad fall and I thought I was a goner. I lay inert. I had cracked my knee and it felt like the tenon joint was gone. I coughed and spat out some grit. I decided to just lay in the leaves for a moment, scratching my head. I could not help noticing a few ticks...or were they nits? While mulling on this I realised in a flash that the last three controls were set out in a perfect trigon. I could probably triangulate that without a compass. I was hauling myself up to continue when who should appear crossing the golf course to my left than Igor himself, the old git! But his luck was as bad as mine. He unwisely cut across a green. It was as soft as roe after the rain, and he tripped over a tee and rolled into a sand bunker.
Three controls in a triangle, I was going to have to have words with the gerent of this course! Undoubtedly an engineer. What horrible dog legs! I caught sight of someone girning at me though the tree trunks. Fearing another wrathful property owner, I re-established contact with my map, jumped over a tree stump, narrowly avoiding a nasty groin injury. I suddenly had a tonne of confidence. I could win this, ere darkness fell. I zoomed on like a Lamborghini G.T. I knew I had been out for what felt like eons, but hey, it was a tough course. One more control passed in a daze, then - zap! The next one jolted me awake...darn this new electronic punching. I left the control unit with its haze of positive ions. The final run in was certainly steep enough to slow the runners....it was all I could do to trog in. Cramp assailed my calves with a vicious rigor. What wouldn't I give for a nice massage....I saw the finishers were interned on the lower tier of a parking area. A nice barbeque was in progress with a someone turning the chicken with blackened tongs. I would have to settle for that. It looked as if my time was OK. And, half an hour later, still no sign of Igor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some of the weirder words:
trog: to trudge
gerent: director
trigon: triangle
girn: to grimace
Ray St-Laurent
Attention flora, fauna, terra, mare, aqua, aether. Gather around for a family meeting. I have an important announcement that will affect us all.
Before I begin, unfortunately I have remind some of you to stop referring to me as me Ma Nate or, even more revolting, Natty Mom. Stop snickering, squirrels. If I find out that you tree rats are behind this you will be looking for more than your nuts next winter.
Please try to reminder how hard it is for me to keep my balance these days. A little respect would be appreciated.
Now to the business at hand. Is everyone here. Ocean, I see you are pretty far out just now. Okay, you can stay there and wave. Hey, Rocky, get over here. I warned you not to take a lichen to that algae. I know he seems like a fungi now but when you go to pieces because of him, don't come and gravel to me.
Anyway, the reason I called this meeting is to alert you all that this summer the saps will be running. Oh, sorry Maples, I did not mean to confuse you. To be clearer, humans will be staging a world ranking orienteering event here this summer. I want everyone on their best behaviour.
Evergreens, spruce yourselves up. I know you pine away because of the festive colours the deciduous have in the autumn. Some of you may be lucky enough to have bright orange and white orienteering markers hung from you. For those who think the markers clash with your foliage a bit, remember we only have to leave them there for a short while.
Terra, I want you to be as accommodating as possible without compromising your character. I know everyone takes you for granted and walks all over you but, let's face it, that's your job. Deep depressions are to be avoided and hills are to be gentle. Remember that some humans are afraid of even small hills; they are knoll cowards. Hills, keep your contours intact and don't soil yourself when several hundred people start tramping over your back side.
Aqua, work with Terra on the marshy areas. We don't want to get bogged down when we are swamped with these people. In the river, try to make an interesting bore.
Aether, work with Aqua to keep the fog manageable. Too many mist events make missed opportunities.
Flora, just the usual, look good and smell good. And, don't let Ivy's nature poison our relationship with humans. Keep the undergrowth from becoming too thick. As a rule of thumb, vegetation should be no more dense than the people traversing it.
Fauna, it's show time to do all those cute behaviour routines. Humans are suckers for that, even for tree rats. Bears, you should probably lay low during the event. People never seem to know the right way to deal with you. They either run shrieking in terror or they think it's cute if you try to eat from their picnic baskets.
On the other hand, mosquitoes, enjoy yourselves. Humans behaved hysterically over phantom Y2K bugs. Well, let's see how they react to the real thing.
Okay, that's about it. Each of you knows your responsibilities. Remember how hard we have to fight to keep our environment. If we don't show these humans a good time, sooner or later they will probably be back to pave us over. Or even worse, they could rip out our guts to put in eighteen tiny holes.
In flight......
Occasionally, airline attendants and pilots make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate."
2. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no, Mam," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
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